A stumbling block many engaged couples face is how to word their invitations when there are divorced parents to consider.   The proper way to list parents of the bride who are divorced is to list the Mother of the bride on the first line, followed by the Father of the bride on the second line, and omit the use of the word “and” between their names:

“Oak” from Checkerboard’s Blue Moon collection

If there is a strong relationship with a step parent, then by all means, go ahead and include his or her name along with your parent.  Etiquette says you should not include a step parent in the wording, but it’s my opinion that one should not follow the rules if it’s going to be harmful to a personal relationship.   The purpose of a wedding invitation is to gather loved ones for a joyous occasion, not create tension and discomfort.

So now it’s time to mail your invitations to your friends and family and you aren’t quite sure what the proper assembly order is?  You are not alone!  It’s one of the most common questions I receive.  With so many choices in invitations today, it’s a challenge to sort out the right way to assemble each ensemble.

I’ll cover the most traditional and common invitation combination:  the invitation, double envelopes, reception card and response set.  Checkerboard includes the following diagrams along with each order to assist customers with invitation assembly.

1) When inserting a foldover invitation into an envelope, the fold goes into the envelope first.   The inner envelope is the envelope without gum for sealing.

2) The insertion order is as follows: Invitation, reception card and respond set.  If you choose to use traditional tissues, they go between the top of the invitation and the reception card.   It is not considered improper if you choose to forego tissues, many people simply prefer the traditional aspect of tissues.

3) The respond card should be placed face up on top of the respond envelope which is face down, with its flap overlapping
the respond card.  Your respond envelopes should include proper postage, will help ensure a timely reply.  Accessories (enclosures) are never inserted inside a traditional foldover invitation, they should always be stacked on top.

This rule of thumb does not apply to pocket folder and gate fold invitations.  It is considered proper to insert your enclosures inside these styles.

4) Finally, you will insert the inner envelope into the outer mailing envelope if you have opted for double envelopes.

Take one fully assembled invitation to your post office and have it weighed and measured for proper postage.

Your ensemble may be slightly different or drastically different from the example above.  If you aren’t sure how to assemble your invitations, please feel free to post your questions in comments.

Trying to find that perfect gift for your shower hostess or bridesmaids can be perplexing.   A personalized gift says thank you with an extra drop of sincerity, because it shows you took the time to personalize the choice.   I’d like to use this post to showcase some of my favorites as well as some best sellers.  First, here are some great, youthful and feminine choices from The Chatsworth Collection and Robin Maguire:

For a more sophisticated gift, a beautiful embosser or a custom stamp is a winning choice.  Coordinate one with an inSTAMPable note card, calling card, or note pad for a truly special thank you gift.

Custom Stamp, Custom Embosser and Custom Stamp, inSTAMPable Foldover Note Cards, inSTAMPable note paper and acrylic holder (all from Three Designing Women)

All of these choices make terrific holiday gifts, too!

So, you want to send out a Save the Date Card, but want to do something different that the standard run of the mill card?  A fun and practical way to announce your wedding date is to send out Save the Date Magnets.  They come in so many great designs and they are more likely to be posted on your guest’s refrigerators than if you sent a standard paper card.  They come in a variety of sizes, magnetic strengths and designs.

The magnets pictured above are from Embossed Graphics and are sturdy, medium sized cards, weighing close to one ounce and measuring 4″ x 5″ with rounded corners.  The great thing about these magnets is that they don’t require assembly.  So many of the magnets that originally came out when the trend began were business cards with magnets you would have to affix yourself.   Then magnetic paper was introduced as the new way to print magnets, but the magnetic strength was poor.

The Embossed Graphics line of Save the Date magnets come in a variety of designs.  While the layout, fonts and colors on these magnets are available only as shown, the wording on many can be slightly modified in most cases to incorporate details such as the city and state or your wedding website address.

Save the Date for our next post on Save the Date Scratch Off cards tomorrow!

Clockwise from top left:  Revelation in Red from Carlson Craft, Classic Stick Figures from Elite Weddings II, Calendar Closeup Magnets from Carlson Craft, and Boarding Pass from Blue Moon by Checkerboard

Why Send Save the Date Cards?

Save the Date Cards are sent out to guests of a wedding or another event.  Typically, they are mailed well in advance so guests can mark it on their calendars and make travel arrangements, if necessary.

When Should One Send Save the Date Cards?

The recommended time to send Save the Date cards is four to six months before the event, or eight months to a year before a destination wedding.

Information to Include on Save the Date Cards

• Names: For a wedding, be sure to use first and last names of the bride and groom.

• Date: The date that requires saving!

• Event: Wedding, Anniversary Party, Bar or Bat Mitzvah, Annual Recognition Banquet, Holiday Party, etc.

• “Invitation to Follow” or “Formal Invitation to Follow”: This wording is important so your guests realize they will be getting an actual invitation with more details at a later date.

Optional information would include: city and state and a website address for event, and in some cases the venue (for destination weddings you may want to include this for travel planning purposes)

What NOT to Include on Your Save the Date Cards

• Time of event:  Save that for the invitation.

• Registry information: It is commonly considered improper etiquette to include this information.

• Church or Venue information: Save these for the invitation.  The only exception would be a destination wedding, when you may want to include wording such as “at the Melia Cabo Real in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico”) which will allow your guests to research travel and lodging in advance.

Choosing the Right Save the Date Card

While it’s a nice touch to have wedding stationery coordinate from your Save the Date cards all the way through to your Informal Notes, it’s not required.  Many people choose Save the Date  Cards that are whimsical, fun, colorful and unique, even if they plan to send out very formal and traditional invitations.

Some options in Save the Date cards include standard card stock, a photo card, calendar cards, and magnets.  Prices on professionally printed Save the Date Cards range from less than $1.00 each (even less if you are ordering a lot) to $5.00 each and up.  Stay tuned for more ideas on choices and options!

We have received many questions about writing Thank You Notes over the years, so I’ll use today’s post to answer a few of them.

Q: Who writes the thank you note?

A: Traditionally, the bride writes the note and signs it.  The body of the message may include the fiance/husband:

Dear Bob and Jeanne,
Thank you for the lovely crystal vase.   Grant and I already have it on display in our foyer, full of lovely Summer flowers.  It is the perfect addition to our home.  We would also like to thank you for traveling so far to be with us on our wedding day.   You have been very special to us for many years, and it meant a lot to us to have you attend.
Sincerely,
Heather Mitchell

It is becoming more socially acceptable to write the note as a couple.  The front of the informal note would have both of your names, i.e. “Grant and Heather Mitchell” or “Mr. and Mrs. Grant Mitchell”.  The note itself can be written as stated above, or like this:

Dear Bob and Jeanne,
Thank you for the lovely crystal vase.   We already have it on display in our foyer, full of lovely Summer flowers.  It is the perfect addition to our home.  We would also like to thank you for traveling so far to be with us on our wedding day.   You have been very special to us for many years, and it meant a lot to us to have you attend.
Sincerely,
Heather and Grant Mitchell

Q: What is the difference between a thank you note and an informal note?

A: A Thank You Note is not pre-printed with your name and is typically printed with the words “Thank You”.  These are used for small, informal weddings or showers.  Ironically, an Informal Note is more formal than a standard Thank You Note.  It is part of your wedding stationery and is pre-printed with your name(s). These are used for formal weddings and should not have a pre-printed message inside.  Proper etiquette dictates that you write a personal note to each person who gave you a gift or  helped you with your wedding.

Q: How do you write a thank you note for a monetary gift?

A:  Do not mention the dollar amount received.  Instead, express your gratitude for their generosity.  Here is an example of how to word it:

Aunt Belle,

Thank you so much for your generous gift!  Grant and I used it to purchase a chaise lounge for our back patio.  It has become my favorite place to unwind and read after work each evening.  We are so glad you were able to share our wedding day with us.  Who knew you were such a fantastic dancer? Thanks again for your thoughtful gift and we hope to see you again very soon.

Sincerely,
Heather

Q: Do I send a thank you note to the Officiant of the wedding?

A: Yes, it is proper etiquette to send a thank you to the officiant.  Here is an example:

Dear Reverend Phillips,
We would like to thank you for making our wedding day so special.  The service and prayers were beautiful and heartfelt, and exactly what we hoped for.  Thank you for your time and blessings as we begin our married life together.

Sincerely,
Heather and Grant Mitchell

Q: When do I send thank you notes?

A: As soon as possible after the gift is received.  The proper timing is to send a personalized note within four weeks after receipt of the gift.  Keep a list of gifts and the people who gave the gifts.  Have a system in place where you notate when the gift was received and when the note was sent.  This will help you keep track of which have been written and sent, because it’s easy to lose track when you are receiving lots of gifts for showers and the wedding.  If you have a very large wedding and feel it will be impossible to send all your thank you notes out within four weeks, it is appropriate to send a gift acknowledgment card.  These may say something like:  “Paige and Charles Beck wish to acknowledge the receipt of your thoughtful wedding gift. A personal note of thanks will be sent at a later date.” Do not be tempted to send thank you notes with a few lines of thanks already printed, though.  It does not convey your appreciation for their generosity in the same way as a hand written note.  Somebody has taken the time and gone to the expense of selecting a gift for you, which should be properly acknowledged.

Don’t feel overwhelmed if you have many thank you notes to write.  Take them one at a time and you’ll be done before you know it.  Please feel free to post your thank you note questions here and we will answer them for you!

So, you want to add some personalized napkins to your event, but you have no idea what size or how many napkins to buy? Let’s see if we can offer some tips for you!

Beverage or Cocktail Napkins:

SIZE: Typically these are 4 3/4″ x 4 3/4″
USE: Cocktails, hors d’oeuvres and cake service.
HOW MANY? The most common guideline for cocktails and hors d’oeuvres is 2 - 3 per guest. For cake service, 1 - 1.5 per guest.

Luncheon Napkins:

SIZE: Typically these are 8″ x 8″
USE: Meal service
HOW MANY? The most common guideline for a sit down meal is 1-2 per guest. For a buffet service, 2.5 per guest.

Guest Towels:

SIZE: Typically these are 4 1/4″ x 8 1/4″ folded
USE: Powder Room or Restroom
HOW MANY? Approximately 2 per guest.

These are all just general guidelines, and every event will have different variations and needs. For example, an evening event with an open bar may require more napkins than an afternoon tea.  In our next post we’ll show you some great personalization ideas.

When sending invitations for weddings hosted by the bride and groom, many couples wonder how they should properly word their invitations. Since the wording will indicate who is paying for the wedding, the traditional wording with the bride’s parents as hosts is not appropriate.  Here are just a few suggestions to get you started…

1) No mention of families or children

Bride
and
Groom
request the honour of your presence
at their marriage

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

The pleasure of your company is requested
at the marriage of
Bride
and
Groom

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Bride
and
Groom
invite you to join them
in celebrating their marriage

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Bride
and
Groom
invite you to share
a special moment in their lives
at their marriage

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Bride
and
Groom
invite you to witness
as they are joined in marriage

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Sometimes couples want to include their parents or children, but aren’t sure how to do so. A few more suggestions…

2) Inclusion of parents names, but not as hosts

The pleasure of your company is requested
at the marriage of
Bride
daughter of
Mr. and Mrs. Bride’s Parents
to
Groom
son of
Mr. and Mrs. Groom’s Parents

3) Inclusion of children

Bride
and
Groom
together with their children
invite you to share
a special moment in their lives
when their families are joined by marriage

4) More ideas, but more ambiguous regarding who is hosting (appears like all parties are sharing the costs)

Bride
and
Groom
together with their families

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Together with their parents
Bride
and
Groom
request the pleasure of your company

(Ginkgo Bough by Checkerboard)

The respond card is an integral part of the wedding ensemble. It is the key to knowing who is coming and who isn’t. Almost all respond cards will also include preprinted envelopes as part of the price. But the wording is the tricky part. Some of the wording choices you’ll have to make:

1) What do I use for a reply by date? Typical respond cards are returned no later than 2 weeks before the event. For a destination wedding, that date may be much earlier, perhaps 2 months prior to the event.

2) What do I use for names? There are several popular ways to request the names of who is attending. The most traditional way is M_________________ where your guests will write out r. and Mrs. John Smith, using the M as the first letter in a title, Mr./Mrs./Miss/Ms. Gaining in popularity is the more obvious (to guests who may not be up to speed on wedding etiquette) is Name(s)___________________ with one of more lines available for your guests to write in all attending in their party. This is helpful for table cards and seating charts. Another option is to just leave a blank line or two, assuming people will know to write in their names in those spaces. And finally, including a reply by date and a lot of blank space, hoping everybody understands they need to give you their names and whether or not they will be attending. Here are a few examples of the range in options:

3) How do I find out what my guests want to eat? Now you need to decide how much information you will need from your guests. Many people need to know menu choices in advance, or perhaps are inviting their guests to several events (brunch, rehearsal dinner, etc.). Here are a few examples of how to incorporate details into your respond card wording:

4) Whose name and address should be printed on the respond envelope? This is typically the person(s) responsible for keeping tabs on the guest list. The person(s) hosting the event should be the recipient of the respond cards, but it’s also acceptable for the bride and/or groom to be the person officially in charge of the guest tally.

Tip: Write a number on the back of each respond card that corresponds to a guest on your list. That way, if they forget to include their name (believe us, it happens!) you will know who replied.

Tip: If you have room (and your invitations are on the casual side), include lines for people to write notes to you. It can be lots of fun to open up your reply cards and see what your guests come up with in their responses. You will be surprised how much fun it will be to get your mail when you start receiving your responses.

Most formal invitations have traditionally included double envelopes. The outer envelope is addressed on the front to the guest, and the return address is printed on the back flap. The inner envelope is what holds the invitation and enclosures (reception card, response set, direction card, etc.) and has only names written on the front. The flap is not gummed and does not seal. If an optional envelope liner is part of your ensemble, the inner envelope would be the one that is lined. An example of addressing a set of double envelopes to a family of four would be:

Outer Envelope:
Mr. and Mrs. David Watson
Paige and Nathan
10 Lemon Grove Avenue
Redondo Beach, California 90277

Inner Envelope:
Mr. and Mrs. Watson
Paige and Nathan

Envelope liners are very popular this year, and more liner options are available than ever before. Here is an example from Elite of a design that matches the invitation:

And here is another gorgeous example of how a liner can bring an invitation ensemble together with a monogram:

More and more, people are requesting no inner envelope, in order to conserve paper. Both Elite and Checkerboard hand line their envelopes for each order, so it’s possible to exclude the inner envelope and line and print only the outer mailing envelope. The dilemma many people face when only using a single envelope is how to address it. Without the inner envelope, how do you invite a guest? The best way is to find out the name of the guest, if possible, ahead of time, and include the guest’s name on the front of the envelope. So, when addressing to a female friend who will be bringing a date, the envelope would look like this:

Miss Bonnie Higgins
Mr. David Watson
116 Princeton Crest
Berkeley, California 94720

If the name of the guest is unknown, then it is acceptable to write “Miss Bonnie Higgins and guest” on the envelope.

Sometimes the choice of 1 or 2 envelopes will be made for you. Many square invitations do not offer the option of double envelopes. Also, several manufacturers receive their inner envelopes pre-lined from suppliers, so if you decide to exclude the inner envelope, you don’t have the option to line the outer envelope. This is the case with the majority of Carlson Craft envelopes. And since the inner envelope is not gummed, you wouldn’t want to exclude the outer envelope, since the inner does not seal.